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Clowne Junior School

Working together for success and happiness


Editing sentences to make them more tense and exciting.


Yesterday, we looked at a model and highlighted that a key purpose of this text was to build up tension. Remember, we want to draw the reader into our writing so they can’t stop reading and make them feel excited but nervous about what is going to happen next.


Look at the sentences below; these are from myths. See if you can rewrite the sentences but change words/add words etc.. (edit) to make the sentences much more tense and exciting. There is an example below to help you.


E.g.   He walked into the forest.

                  -  could change to

          Nervously and with his heart thudding, the young hero stepped into  

          the forbidden forest.

  •  or sometimes less can be more - fewer words can sometimes be even more dramatic

          He …stepped…in!


 I've added some word mats below with useful vocabulary.


  1. The mouth of the cave was large.
  2. She moved along the tunnel.
  3. He held his shield.
  4. She could hear odd noises.
  5. Right at the back of the cave was a creature.
  6. The boat they were on was being rocked by the waves.
  7. She felt worried about if the plan would work.
  8. Rising out of the sea was a monster..
  9. The monster was horrible.
  10. He ran forward.